Adventure Time with Finn and His Hoes
by Kashan
Summary: After his number one hoe commits the ultimate betrayal, Finn goes on an adventure to find a new prostitute.
1. Chapter 1: Fuck Time

Chapter One: Fuck Time

Finn woke up and was ready to fuck bitches, except he couldn't find Jake. He looked in his closet where he keeps his dildos and found Jake.

"Why'd you start without me?!" said Finn as he shoves Jake up his ass.

"Because I was just too horny to wait." said Jake.

"OK, well LET'S GO FUCK BITCHES!" yelled Finn, throwing himself out the window and onto the rock bed where he saw LSP.  
"OH. MY. GLOB FINN!" said LSP. "MY LUMPS! MY LUMPS!"

"Woah lady." said Finn.

"There super sore from you grabbin' them so hard last night, Finn!" yelled LSP.

Lumpy Space Princess then decided to join them on their quest for hos. Our two heroes and a prostitute are off for the Candy Kingdom, to find the one they call, Princess Bubblegum. They arrived at the Candy Kingdom and were greeted by Peppermint butler who sent them to PB's castle.

When they got inside it wasn't really a castle it was the dirtiest whore house they've ever been in. There were AIDS all over the place and everyone had herpes. All the dildos were broken in half from all the buttfuckery.

"This is the most mathematical place I've ever been." said Jake before he fainted in a pool of AIDS.

Finn spotted Princess Bubblegum sexing a man. Finn charged at the strange man and ripped his clothes off.

"HANDS OF MAH BITCH!" he yelled and went for his balls. When Finn couldn't find them he realized it was Tree Trunks who was sexing his number one ho. "WHAT IS THIS!" screamed Finn.

"I'M A LESBIAN." PB said in her man-like lesbian voice.

Finn screamed furiously and took out his dildo-sword. He spun Princess Bubblegum around and shoved his sword up her unused lesbian-ass. He threw her dead body on the floor and the Ice King came from seemingly nowhere and began having sex with her dead corpse. While the Ice King was grunting, moaning and gasping words for both himself and PB, LSP joined them. Actually she just cut off PB's lumps and glued them on her forehead.

Finn turned away in disgust and found Jake fucking Lady Rainicorn. Hard. "Jake, lets go. My number one ho let me down today."

"Yeah I saw that-OOH YEAHH!"Jake said then yelled because he was still doing Lady."What you need-YES OH YES-is a-COME ON BABY HARDER-new bitch. One that-YEAH JUST LIKE THAT-isn't a lesbian."

"You're right, Jake. My dick will never be satisfied without a real non-lesbian stripper whore. I will not rest until I get it in. The right way."


	2. Chapter 2: The Search for a New Whore

Chapter 2: The Search for a New Whore

After Jake had finished doing all of Lady Rainicorn, the two adventurers set off for Finn's new mate.

"So do you know who you want to start fucking?" Jake asked.

"No."

"Just listen to your dick, it'll never fail you."Jake advised.

Finn tried as hard as he could to listen to his dick and two hours later he got an idea.

"Turtle Princess!" he cried "I wanna fuck Turtle Princess!"

"That's the spirit Finn! Let's go" said Jake as they rode off towards Turtle Princess' house.

When they got there Turtle Princess opened the door and greeted them. "Hi guys. What brings you here? Have you come to read some of my old dusty books?"

"No!" Finn yelled and pushed her to the floor."I've come to clean out your dusty vagina!"

"Oh my glob. I knew I didn't need LSP's trashy books to get guys to rape my turtle lumps."

"I'll leave you two alone now." Jake said..."Oh who am I kidding, I;m gonna record the whole thing on my camera phone."

Finn ripped his clothes off and pounced on Turtle Princess. When he got to her vagina he noticed that it was very saggy and he couldn't find the hole because of all the excess skin. But finally he found it and commenced. Immediately puffs of dust came out.

"This is may first time." Turtle Princess said.

"AW SICK!" Finn said and leaped off of her.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"So its not Turtle Princess." Jake said as they continued their quest."What about Hotdog Princess?"

"No way dude. Sexing her is like...sexing a giant dick." Finn said.

With that they headed foe Hotdog Princess' vajay. "Whoo! this is gonna be like a live dildo!" said Jake.

"Uh... Jake, I don't like da dick."

"I didn't mean for you." said Jake as he handed Finn his camera phone and told him to record him shoving Hotdog Princess up his asshole.

After they found Hotdog Princess, Jake shoved her up his ass and her head fell off. "Whoops that wasn't supposed to happen.."

"Hurry! Let's go!" said Jake as they left Hotdog Princess in her pen with aids all over her lifeless body.

After they had ran a good one-hundred miles from the pen they stopped to rest. As they stood there panting; half from the run and half from all the sex, it hit Finn really hard, like a dick-slap to the face.

"Flame Princess."


	3. Chapter 3: A Dick Burning

Chapter 3: A Dick Burning

As soon as Finn said this they set off toward Flame Princess' house. To pass the time they began tossing ideas back and forth about all the dirty and sexual things they were going to do to Flame Princess.

"I got an idea!" exclaimed Finn. "Let's roast our dicks in her asshole!"

"Good idea man!" said Jake.

Just then they arrived at Flame Princess' house. When they get there Flame Princess is outside practicing naked fire throwing into her asshole.

"Woah.." said Finn. "I've found my ho! Hey Flame Princess GET ON MAH LEVEL!" says Finn as he rips off all his clothes and starts humping Flame Princess.

"Oh yeah Finn! Stick it up my butthole!" FP screamed.

"Alright!" He did as she demanded and was rewarded with pain."IT BURNS!"

"I know this is so hot!" Flame Princess said.

"NO YOUR ASS IS BURNING MY FUCKING DICK OFF!" That being said Jake decided to stop recording and join in the sex party.

Flame Princess stopped sexing for a moment but started up again even harder and faster when Finn said,"I like the pain!" and Jake screamed "OOH YEAH!"

After hours of hardcore burning sex, Marceline appeared in her tentacle monster form and swallowed the orgy whole. When she swallowed them they thought they were going to die but instead they landed in a club inside Marceline's ovaries. They looked around and there were whores in cages everywhere and a bar that gave away drugs for free.

"BOO-YAH! This is my kinda club! Later peasants!" called Jake as he went to have a fun day of AIDS and meth.

Once Jake left Finn and Flame Princess started fucking again but had to stop because Finn's dick melted off.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY CRUEL WORLD! WHY" Yelled Finn, shaking his fist at the sky."Now what am I going to do? Life has no more meaning!" cried Finn.

* * *

The End.

(There might or might not be a squeal)


	4. Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT!THE SEQUEL IS OUT! GO READ IT OR YOUR A PEASANT!**

Adventure Time with Finn and His Hoes **2**: Adventure into Sexuality


End file.
